he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
