Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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