I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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