just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
