i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
