Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
