the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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