It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
