I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
