i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
