but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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