Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
