so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
