I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
