She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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