Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
