If i come over, it means nothing
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is wine microwaveable?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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