Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
