then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
