Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
