this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
