Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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