So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
