If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize