woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
