working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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