I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
