But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
