you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
