I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
