My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
