Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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