Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
