Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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