I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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