Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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