If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
