I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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