On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I believe in your delicious
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
