like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Houston, we have a squirter
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
