I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
