Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize