Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
