My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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