the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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