Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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