Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
