I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
