Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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