there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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