I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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