I could make wine with my vomit
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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