I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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