i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
