Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
