I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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