he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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