I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
