I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
