May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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