I wish I could punch you in the face.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
