my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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