Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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