Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
