i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
