i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
