I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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