oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
