turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize