Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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