i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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