i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
