I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
