great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
