Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I just sharted jello shots
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